Myira Khan Counselling

Telephone: 07864 523 545

Email: myira @myirakhancounselling.co.uk

Counsellor in Leicester and Online




Individual & Couples Counselling in Leicester

Online Counselling (Skype, Telephone, Email)

Offers a safe and confidential counselling service

A faith and culturally-sensitive BME service

Islamic - centred Counselling available

Telephone: 07864 523 545                      Email: myira@myirakhancounselling.co.uk


What can I talk about in Counselling?

Topics you can bring to your session:
Anxiety
Abuse
Anger / Anger Management
Bereavement / Grief / Loss
Bullying
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome / ME
Depression
Disability
Domestic Violence
Eating disorder
Low self-esteem
Relationship difficulties
Mental Health Issues
OCD
Personal Development
Personal and Family Conflict
PTSD
Self-harm
Self / Identity
Spirituality / Religion
Stress
Trauma
Work related issues
or other concerns.
Mail: mymail@mailservice.com
Phone: +44 1632 96099

How can Counselling help me?

Counselling offers:

A private, safe and confidential space to talk about your concern.

Working with a qualified and experienced award-winning Counsellor.

A choice of individual or couples counselling.

A choice of face to face or online sessions.

A choice of weekday, evening or weekend appointments.

No waiting list for your first appointment.

How do I start Counselling?

To start Counselling:

You can book in for an initial session, which will last for 1 hour.

This session will give you an opportunity to meet with Myira and identify your concerns.

It will also give you a chance to experience working with Myira in a session.

There is no obligation after the initial session to book in contracted counselling sessions.

Contracted counselling sessions will last for 50 minutes, on the same day and time, on a weekly basis.

To book your initial session:

Telephone: 07864 523 545

Email: myira@myirakhancounselling.co.uk


Business Hours:

Mon, Tues, Thurs, Fri:   9am - 8pm

Wed:                            9am - 12pm

Sat, Sun:       By Appointment Only


Guidelines For Emergency Contact

Face to Face and Online Counselling cannot provide an emergency service for clients.

If you are currently experiencing an emergency or major crisis and were considering serious self-harm, it is vital to get immediate help.

This could include contacting your GP or your nearest A&E service.

You could also contact the Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90 or email jo@samaritans.org (emergency email support).

All personal information disclosed will be kept confidential and not used for any purposes other than a counselling record. 


By Myira Khan 20 May, 2016

Communicating with extroverts and introverts


I’ve mentioned throughout by blogs this week that communication in relationships is important. This is so you are able to share your thoughts and feelings, establish boundaries and express your needs to create safe, secure and healthy relationships.

 

However our communication styles differ and misunderstanding or miscommunication can lead to disconnection between people, leaving you feeling misheard, ignored, not understood or rejected. Not a happy place to be in a relationship.

 

One way to help improve better communication between yourself and other people is to understand the difference in communication styles between introvert and extrovert personalities and then how to communicate more effectively to the different personality types.

 


Extroverts may:

-        Share their energy, feelings and excitement with all those around them.

-        Equally enjoy speaking to others either in one to one or group situations with ease.

-        Feel re-energised by their interactions with others.

-        Prefer speaking to others rather than through written communication.

-        Think out loud and so reply to quickly to questions or respond quickly to events going on around them.

 

Introverts may:

-        Share their energy, feelings and excitement with those close to them.

-        Prefer to speak to people one to one.

-        Feel re-energised by taking time out from social interactions and spending time in their own thoughts.

-        Prefer to communicate through written modes rather than speaking out loud.

-        Need time to process their thoughts first before sharing with others, and so may take time to respond to others.

 

 

 How to effectively communicate to an extrovert, if you are an introvert:

o  Have an awareness of an extrovert’s think out loud communication process. This doesn’t mean you need to respond directly to everything they say or that you need to respond in the same way. This is the way that extroverts process their thoughts, by talking out loud through the process.

o  Pay full attention and actively listen when they are talking. They need to know you are listening without judgement, so they feel safe to be able to talk out loud.

o  Allow for pauses and give yourself time to process what they have said.

o  Be clear and direct in what you want to say. It doesn’t need to be a think out loud process however you may wish to communicate that you are thinking or reflecting upon what has been said and how you are feeling.

o  Be aware you may feel overwhelmed by how much or how quickly a person talks and it may feel as if you are being talked at rather than a two-way interaction. It is ok to jump into the conversation and voice your thoughts or feelings and to be heard yourself.

o  Be aware you may feel depleted in your own energy levels after what may feel like a deep conversation. Take time for self-care, to re-charge yourself.

 

How to effectively communicate to an introvert, if you are an extrovert:

o  Have an awareness of an introvert’s thinking first-share second communication process.

o  Allow space for the introvert to process thoughts before jumping in.

o  Pay full attention and actively listen when they are talking. They need to know you are listening without wanting to say something and giving them the space to process the conversation.

o  Take time in the conversation to explore the topic, rather than asking lots of questions ask one question and let them process the question and respond.

o  You may wish to communicate via written notes, emails and texts, as a way to share your feelings and thoughts with them.

o  Pick an appropriate time to have ‘deeper’ or serious conversations, as this will drain them. If they are already tired at the end of a long or difficult day, they will only become more exhausted during the conversation, which may lead them to shut down and not talk at all.

 

The points above are not to see others as one-dimensional or defining people just under the extrovert- introvert dimension, but as tips to help you to understand and communicate more effectively with others, if you feel that your communication styles differ, which will hopefully lead you to having closer and healthier relationships.



Myira Khan

Award-winning Private Counsellor (Leicester and Online) www.myirakhancounselling.co.uk

Founder of the Muslim Counsellor and Psychotherapist Network (MCAPN) www.mcapn.co.uk

Mental Health Heroes Award Winner 2015


By Myira Khan 19 May, 2016

Boundaries

 

As mentioned in Tuesday’s blog on Relationships: Feeling Connected , a healthy relationship includes having established and respected boundaries. This means that not only are you able to put boundaries in place within the relationship but that they also maintained and respected by the other person. This is a very different experience to an unhealthy relationship, where boundaries are put in place but the other person chooses not to respect the boundary.

 

So what do we mean by boundaries?

 

A boundary is a “line that marks the edge or limit of something”. It is the distinction of ‘I’ and ‘you’ within the ‘us’ of the relationship. Without boundaries there is a blur between the two people of ‘I’ and ‘you’, with the space between them only containing ‘us’, which leads to feeling confusion, resentment, disregarded and dissatisfaction.

 

Boundaries provide clarity, as they distinguish between ‘I’ and ‘you’. By establishing boundaries you are living and behaving from a position of ‘I’, being clear of your ‘self’, living with congruence about  who you are, your beliefs, values, passions, interests, ambitions and dreams, i.e. what you want from life and how you want to live your life. You are focusing on yourself from a place of self-care, self-respect and value.

 

How to set healthy boundaries:

 

Have self-awareness: Have an understanding of ‘I’, your likes / dislikes, your beliefs, values and interests. Knowing yourself better helps you to understand who you are in a relationship, what you are bringing to it, why you are in the relationship and what you want/ need from the relationship.

 

Clear communication: This is vital in any relationship as you can’t expect your partner to know what your boundaries are or for you to know theirs. It is important to start talking openly and clearly with your partner of what your boundaries are. Explain what you are able to give or do for your partner in any given situation. Talking about your boundaries is a great way to make sure that you and your partner’s needs are being met. This helps to build the safety and trust in the relationship.

 

Express your needs: When you relate from a position of ‘I’, you will create a greater awareness of your own needs and be able to express them clearly to your partner and visa versa. No-one is a mind-reader and neither you nor your partner should expect your own needs to be the same as each other. It is an opportunity for both of you to share a mutual understanding of both your needs and expectations in the relationship, so that chances of misunderstanding and disconnection are limited.

 

Speak from ‘I’:  In sharing your needs and establishing / maintaining boundaries, speak from the position of ‘I’, i.e. “I need…”, “I would like…”, “I feel...”.  This helps you to identify, own and express your needs without pushing the responsibility of your needs or any changes you want in the relationship onto your partner. It will also help to make your partner feel less defensive, whereas if you were to say “you need to…”, this can be felt as a criticism or accusation that your partner needs to change or that they are solely responsible for your feelings in the relationship.

 

When boundaries are not established and respected, the distinction between ‘I’ and ‘you’ becomes blurred.

When this happens you may:

·        Become unclear of your own needs

·        Become distracted or focus upon your partner and their needs

·        Put your own needs secondary to your partner’s, which leads to feelings of unhappiness, dissatisfaction, isolation or depression.

·        Lower your own expectations of fulfilment in the relationship

·        Accept the minimum in terms of love, care, attention from your partner

·        Lose focus on yourself and self-care

·        Become manipulated or easily convinced to do anything for your partner and their happiness.

·        Become unable to say no or set limits for yourself

·        Put up with inappropriate or abusive behaviour

 

In these instances, there is no clarity of an ‘I’ and ‘you’ and the focus of the relationship can tip heavily into the favour of ‘you’, whereby ‘I’ and your needs and happiness become invisible.

 

In healthy relationships there is an equality and respect, from both partners, for ‘I’ ‘you’ and ‘us’.  The tips above may help to you re-balance the partnership. You may feel that accessing professional help may help to support you in understanding yourself, your needs and your relationship.

Couples counselling may help you to understand, explore and work through any underlying issues that may be causing the miscommunication, expectations and misunderstandings in the relationship. Couples counselling would be a safe space for both of you to share your own feelings, thoughts and concerns with each other and to also hear from the other partner’s perspective of how they experience the relationship. Sharing your thoughts openly will help you to work through and resolve the underlying concerns as well as how to move the relationship forward.



Myira Khan

Award-winning Private Counsellor (Leicester and Online) www.myirakhancounselling.co.uk

Founder of the Muslim Counsellor and Psychotherapist Network (MCAPN) www.mcapn.co.uk

Mental Health Heroes Award Winner 2015


By Myira Khan 18 May, 2016

Relationships and Loneliness


Relationships are fundamental to our well-being. The quality of our relationships, how we socially connect to our family, friends and community, is instrumental to the quality of our physical and mental health. The more we are connected to others in healthy relationships, the more healthier and happier we are and the less we suffer from mental health issues.


It is through our relationships that we develop and evolve our own sense of self/identity, our belonging in communities and be able to healthily meet our own and other people’s needs of us.

 

Feeling disconnected to others can lead to feelings of anxiety, despair, loneliness, depression, isolation or a downward spiral difficult to get out of, which are all a significant impact upon the state of our mental health.

 

A 2014 survey by the Office for National Statistics found Britain to be “the loneliness capital of Europe”, with UK residents both less likely to have strong friendships and less likely to know our neighbours, compared to other European country residents.

 

Although loneliness in older people has been acknowledged, it is now becoming more widely recognised that loneliness exists amongst young people. A 2010 Mental Health Foundation report found loneliness to be a greater concern to younger adults. Compared to the over 55’s generation, 18-34 year olds were more likely to feel depressed due to loneliness, more likely to feel lonely often and more likely to worry about being on their own.

 

With the strong link between loneliness and the impact upon our mental health, there is a great need to help ourselves in improving the quality of our relationships to better our own mental health.

 

Tips to overcome loneliness:


Honour your feelings: Recognise and acknowledge your loneliness and associated feelings. All feelings are real and your experiences are valid and important. Wanting to have fulfilled connections and relationships and working to achieve them is a positive and healthy way forward.


Find new connections: Accept that you want to make new friends or social circles but don’t put pressure on yourself to do so. Join local groups, where you already share an interest or attend a class that may be a new interest to you. Be open to new interests and activities and go along to experience what it is like. Meeting people and making new friends then becomes a secondary or built-in goal, as you focus on the activity or interest and how much you are enjoying being a part of the group/class.

 

Volunteer: Local charities, groups and services welcome volunteers and you could to volunteer for a particular charity or organisation, which you are passionate about. This will give you the opportunity to meet and connect with new people as well as helping others, which can boost your feelings of self-worth and usefulness, and reduce feelings of isolation and loneliness.

 

Take care of yourself: When feeling lonely or isolated, it can be easy to blame ourselves or something on this painful or sad feeling. Instead, by giving yourself some self-care, honouring your feelings and being kind to yourself, this will help you to feel better about yourself. Do things and activities which will help you to feel good about yourself. Rest, eat healthy foods, go to the cinema/theatre/museum, join a local group which matches your interests, or go for a bike ride. Do what feels comforting and safe for you. This may also open up opportunities to meet new people, feel a part of a group or feel connected to others.

 

Seek professional help :  Most importantly this is a time to take care of your wellbeing and to keep yourself safe. If being alone leads you to feel extremely low or anxious, or even when you are around other people, you feel a profound sense of loneliness that will not go away, seeking the help of a counsellor or psychotherapist could be extremely useful. Therapy offers you a safe, confidential place to talk with a professional about your feelings and concerns. Therapy can help you work through your problems, as well as make you more resilient and better able to cope with life’s ups and downs.

 

 

Loneliness in a relationship

 

There can sometimes be the assumption that we ‘shouldn’t’ feel lonely when we are in a relationship because we expect or at least hope that we would feel happy, loved and cared for when with a partner. In relationships we look for these heart-felt, meaningful and significant connections, which may be sensed as if the other person ‘gets me’ and I ‘get them’. It’s a two-way connection of being accepted, understood, respected and loved by each other.  Sometimes when we feel we are busy having to juggle work, family and friend commitments, it can start to feel as if a gap appears within the relationship and both or one partner feels disconnected from the other. This in turn can feel as if we are isolated, ignored or unloved by the other and therefore leading to feeling lonely in the relationship. However once you recognise that feelings of loneliness, isolation, sadness or other hurtful feelings stem from feeling disconnected to your partner, you can then find ways to re-connect to them.

 

Tips on how to overcome loneliness in a relationship:

 

Communication: it is important to start openly talking to your partner again, to share how and why you are feeling lonely. Explain how you are feeling and what is/ is not happening in the relationship that is making you feel lonely.

 

Break the cycle: when you feel lonely, it may feed further loneliness, by stopping you from socialising with friends and family members and this can be a downward spiral or vicious cycle, which will only reinforce your feelings of loneliness and isolation. So take up those social invitations and spend time in the company of others, where you feel happy and connected to others.

 

Honour your feelings: Recognise and acknowledge your loneliness and associated feelings in the relationship. All feelings are real and your experiences are valid and important. Wanting to have a fulfilled connection with your partner and working to achieve that is a positive and healthy way forward for both of you.

 

Time for yourself: If you are feeling lonely in the relationship, look at how you spend your time and check if this is a contributing factor for feeling lonely. If you have a lot of free time, where you feel bored and feel you have nothing to do, this may lead to feeling lonely, wanting to spend more time with your partner to fill your time or feeling isolated in the relationship if your partner is unable to spend as much time with you as you would like. Use your free/ spare time for yourself. Keep busy working on your own goals, dreams and ambitions, which will help you to feel valued, fulfilled and good enough within yourself and therefore less lonely.

 

Get professional help: If you are feeling lonely and isolated in the relationship, accessing professional help may help to support you in understanding your feelings. Counselling will help you to explore your feelings and any underlying concerns you may be experiencing in the relationship, which is leading you to feel lonely. Couples counselling may help both partners to understand, explore and work through any underlying issues that may be causing the disconnection in the relationship. Couples counselling would be a safe space for both of you to share your own feelings, thoughts and concerns with each other and to also hear from the other partner’s perspective of how they experience the relationship. Sharing your thoughts openly will help you to work through and resolve the underlying concerns as well as how to move the relationship forward.

 


Myira Khan

Award-winning Private Counsellor (Leicester and Online) www.myirakhancounselling.co.uk

Founder of the Muslim Counsellor and Psychotherapist Network (MCAPN) www.mcapn.co.uk

Mental Health Heroes Award Winner 2015


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