Coping with Father's Day

Coping with Father’s Day.

Father’s Day can be a special day of celebration with your father or as a father but what if this day reminds you of the difficult relationship you have or have had with your dad? What if your father is not around or has passed away? There is an expectation that it is a happy time for everyone, but for some it’s a time “to get through” and endure, with a longing for things to get back to the ‘normality’ of everyday.

Father’s Day can trigger a wide range of intense feelings, for a variety of reasons, such as the loss and grief from a father’s bereavement, separation from dad due to geographical distance, parent’s separation or breakdown in our relationship with our dad. The day can bring an intense spotlight on the nature of our relationship with our father.

If Father’s Day is difficult for you, give yourself support and self-care, to help you through the day.

Here are some tips on how to survive and cope with Father’s Day:

· Honour your feelings: Recognise and acknowledge your genuine feelings. All feelings are real and your experiences are valid and important. Just because feeling sad, hurt or angry is not reflected in the media or ads does not make them any less real or important.

· Express feelings creatively: By keeping a journal, writing a letter to your father or child, or creating a photo album/ memory box with keepsakes of your loved one supports expression of feeling.

· Plan ahead: Find ways to support yourself by planning what to do on that day, such as an activity which honors your genuine relationship and feelings. This could be visiting a shared memorable location or carrying out a family tradition, if the day is about honouring a deceased loved one.

· Decide what is best for your own self-care: If the day brings up feelings of a difficult or painful relationship, choose and decide what you want to do on the day itself, which is best for your self-care, rather than what is expected of you. Choose if or how you want to spend the time to celebrate the day with your father.

· Talk about it : If the day is affecting your mood, you don’t have to keep this to yourself. Share how you feel with your partner, family member or friend (someone who you feel safe or comfortable talking to). You may find this supportive and can help to lift your mood.

· Treat Yourself: If you feel that the day will leave you feeling left out of the celebrations, this doesn’t mean you can’t plan fun activities for yourself. Do something indulgent – have a warm and relaxing bath, read a book or watch a favourite movie – something that is comforting and nurturing for your own well-being.

· Avoid social media: It can sometimes feel that other people’s lives are splashed all over Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc and on Father’s Day this can be felt more acutely, as we can be overwhelmed with seeing how other people are having the ‘perfect’ day amongst their family and loved ones. This can lead to comparisons between our internal feelings of loneliness, sadness or loss and other people’s external images of their happiness and joy, which may lead to feeling worse about our experiences and relationship. By limiting/avoiding social media sites, this can help to prevent the comparisons between you and others.

· Seek professional help : Most importantly this is a time to take care of your wellbeing and to keep yourself safe. If the day or your relationship with your father triggers painful feelings, which are overwhelming or difficult to cope with, seeking the help of a counsellor or psychotherapist could be extremely useful to support and help you work through your relationship.

Author: Myira Khan - Counsellor

About Myira:

Myira Khan is a qualified counsellor in Leicester providing both face to face and online counselling through her private service: www.myirakhancounselling.co.uk.

Myira was awarded the Deputy Prime Minister’s Mental Health Hero Award in February 2015 (the East Midlands regional winner) and went on to be announced as a Woman of the Year 2015.

Myira is the Founder of the Muslim Counsellor and Psychotherapist Network ( www.mcapn.co.uk) which supports Muslim counsellors throughout their training and career development as well as working to end stigma and break down barriers around mental health within BME and Muslim communities.